Something to Think About...

Just a few weeks to go and it's already 2020! How did you spent your 2019 so far? Did you fulfill some of your dreams, or at least took a step towards it this year? Was this year much better than the past years in terms of productivity or just living your purpose? Or perhaps you're still lost soul?

Well, if you'll ask me, it's much better than the past years. I somehow can grasp all the events that had happened unlike the previous years. Time surely did flew by, but I can say that I somehow managed to stay awake the whole ride. Almost! But it does not mean this year is my year because the events that had happened were not really something that I have aimed in my whole life. Let's say that this year's just an attempt to stay conscious most of the time. It's really kind of hard to explain, but I know a few of you did get it. 

Anyways, those are just my random thoughts since it's already end of the year. And a new beginning is set to start. The best metaphor for this phenomena is that a new chapter is about to unfold for us to continue writing about our lives. So, have you decided to write stories with depth or just stick with the shallow boring stuff? Up to you.

Would you rather take the path Sasuke chose in his life or will you just remain a weak ninja? lol I just feel like inserting that one here. Oh my naruto fanatic self is emerging to the surface! Haha, nah I'm just trying to lessen the weight of my words to keep myself sane. 

I'm actually waiting for a new episode of Boruto.. coz Jiraiya found out about him. lol spoiler!

What It's Like To Run A Site + Studying new Language

Basically blogging isn't something that I am doing as a full time job. In fact, I only do this to release all the thoughts I have on a specific moment of time. If you'll browse thoroughly this site, you'll find variety of things I'm into or am thinking about.

The google ads that you are seeing now around this blog are just something that I was curious about so I applied for it. But that doesn't mean this blog is earning huge coz of those ads. That's not how it works my friends.

So I just thought that I'll write something that I am thinking in the past days. As you can see I've been working on making this site active again as much as possible. Just getting back on something that I genuinely enjoy. But the thing is, it ain't really easy because it's not like when we're younger that we all got the time we wanted. So as an adult I'm also working full time job as an Architect and by knowing how an architect works won't be that much easy to work on other things.

As much as I wanted to post new articles, stories or anything inside this blog everyday, I just can't! lol
Fandom takes too much time when it comes to research. It's during the weekends that I'm able to fully concentrate on stalking/studying japanese and writing. Damn so many things going on during my weekends, right? But since I really do love these things, I am ain't quitting this routine yet until I become successful.

During the weekdays, my world is only revolving around architecture. Because I am practicing the field. But to do not submerge myself into work stress, pressure and depression, I inserted studying Japanese every lunch time in the office. Somehow it soothes my mind and just stray away from becoming too serious. Japanese is quite fun I must say.

That's a short read for you. And I'll leave something for you guys to enjoy. Some dope music that I've been listening lately!

And here's some live!

Ahhh Billie Eilish is so fucking awesome!!! Love it!

The Blog Continues

Blog is back again! woot!

Recently, I actually was thinking about deleting the blog and making a new one for a start of my new fandom adventures. And it took me several days to come up with a decision.  (more like I forgot about it tbh lol) You reading this, meant a positive decision was made.

Before coming up with it, I first weigh the importance of this blog to me. Even though I'm completely blabbing about non sense things here in every entries I've published, what mattered to me was that this blog contributed even the slightest of happiness and entertainment to me. It may not be interesting to a huge amount of readers on the internet, but at least it mattered to a few as well. And I've proven that in the long absence of my blog due to access issues.

I opened again my account at JPHIP where I linked my blog and fanfics as well. My account there was already long forgotten but there's something about today that made me miss my works in there. I wanted to see my fanfics' status or if ever there are still people interested with them. It was all about my curiosity and maybe a bit concern for my readers as well.

But what made me quite surprised were my readers' private messages for me. I discovered that there were readers out there who were still patiently waiting for my updates. There were also people who asked about my blog's access. So for me, I was quite moved at their messages. I mean, I feel like just playing around with all these blog entries, fanfics, or whatever else I'm doing on the internet and yet there were actual people who gave interest and appreciation over my products. Wow. Thank you!! *cries lol* I feel like my years as a blogger and fanfic writer bloom all of a sudden again. haha

So I guess there's no need to really delete the blog, instead I'll just have to improve it over the time right? Besides, this blog made it possible for me to publish my writings. Like I've said before, I'm a frustrated writer so the blog means a lot to me. How did I forget about that?

 Rest assured now my readers, the blog will still operate as usual. Its accessible again to the public.

But unfortunately to my readers from way back, this blog will surely become Krystal-Jessica biased. Sorry to inform you guys that my fanfiction and blog entries about my previous fandom (Atsuko/AKB48) won't resurface massively here again. (Maybe just a few when there's time)

I'm an Architect!

I am back to inform you guys that I'm not just a mere fangirl and blogger any longer! Right now I passed our licensure examination and I am now an ARCHITECT! At least you can call me that now.

 Being an architect was my highest dream since I was in high school and come to think of it, I chose this because I thought it would suit the fact that I know how to just draw back then. But it was never just drawing when I finally reached college. I underestimated the course, more likely I was foolish. In college since I was unprepared on how everything really works in an Architecture course, I discovered that struggle was real. Haha I thought I was never good and satisfied with 'some' of our design plates, I came to a point where I've degraded myself because of negative thoughts that maybe Architecture really wasn't for me. But eventually, I came to learn how to improve my skills and knowledge about the field. I've tried to prove myself from time to time that this course is for me, I've surrounded myself with great friends that worked hard and are very passionate. And from then onwards, I have become stronger and I passed the course Architecture.

My conclusion over my adventure in college was that, when I was thinking that the course wasn't for me, it was just a manifestation that I wasn't working really hard. Always remember success can never be gained without pain and struggle. So I have to, I needed to improve and work on myself how to deal with everything else.

And from then, I managed to get my 2 years (claiming it lol) diversified work experience in order to take the board exams for Architecture. (a requirement) Oh! When I started working btw, I learned to love this field so much more!! It was really amazing to apply what you've learned from school. It's an awesome feeling especially when your hard work was being paid!!! You know what I mean. lol

Then there's the review. I enrolled in a review center of course, but sometimes there were days wherein you'll find not wanting to attend some class. I was like that, I don't really recommend it but it's up to you guys on how you feel that day. lol I'm telling you, reviewing for months definitely is cruel, you may think that's enough of a time but it's not. Also, there will be times where you can't think of anything but negative. All the pressure, the stress, you'll feel them all twice or more stronger than when you were studying in college. Of course, it's different from college! Your job, your future plans, your family, friends and everyone else rely on this. If I didn't do my best, if I didn't do good enough what would I become? It's more like that when it comes to my thinking. There will be times you'll just gonna cry! It's not weakness, it's normal. So just cry it all out! I remember clearly how I also cried the night before the 1st day of exams. I was really nervous and stressed! haha

All of us who reviewed for the exams for months, we did all the best we could. And we couldn't tell ourselves if we really did good enough. The exams' results may or may not answer that either, I believe so. Of course every examinees wanted to pass, and I bet we all undergone the same pain and struggle. I guess it's a matter of time, luck and God's will. And me passing means it's really my time! I claimed it though and it's really helpful if you demand for it. Prayers do work!

Also, if I have to give yet another tip with this. I'm a hundred percent sure to advice 'always find time to have fun'. Despite having major event in your life ahead, never forget to make yourself happy. As for me, fandom really did took part of this happiness I'm saying. lol I'm a fangirl so I guess that's understood already. It was never a waste of time to make yourself lie low sometimes, it really helps to ease your mind! Yasss!

Oh thank you, my Jung sisters!!!!

And to end up this blog entry, I would really like to thank everyone who had supported me. I already did and I will never get tired thanking them everyday. And of course, to God. I always tell everyone I'm not religious, I don't go to church every week either. But I know we have a connection, through prayers. I know it's not enough but still, I am grateful that I'm that strong to Him! Yeah!

ARCHITECT! WOOOO!!!

Oh so this is my first blog entry of the year 2015! And also sharing you guys my achievement for the year! I love it!!! Be prepared for my unleashed fangirl side again!!! woo!!!! yeah!!!

Lessons Learned!

I just realized that my blog is completely dominated by fanfics lately. I dunno if it's a good thing or not either. lol But still, it's all about fandom. So I guess it's fine whatever to post here that fits to my likings. Well this blog is for updating about fandom anyway. How I do things, fangirling.

Isn't it nice? Trying things like blogging, writing fanfics, making guitar covers (which is already outnumbered) and drawing at the same? Who could have thought I can spare time just doing all of this, all for the love of entertainment.

This entry is just an update. Just random blabbing or sort of.

Right now I'm gonna share something that changed my perspective towards fandom. Of course some of us, including me, became one of those people who became overly attached with their idols. Maeda Atsuko, to me specifically.

To be honest growing too attached with admiring an idol or any celebrity never came to my thoughts. I started just admiring them in a way that 'hey I like this group and this idol' and starts searching more about them. Could it be works or even personal life.

To be honest I don't really like the idea that people starts saying, 'leave their private lives' since it's not our business any longer. So I have ignored such statements and just have fun with searching more about them, and having too many researches out there made me have the urge to even take out a blog here.

Yes or No?

I don't usually write a review over some movie or episodes lately. So as of now, I would like to get myself back on track bit by bit. Guess what!? I'll be talking about some Thai movie which somehow attracts me. It isn't just an ordinary movie, it somehow shows us that there is more into being normal. lol

Oh I love exploration, you guys kinda know that right? But anyways, I just admire this movie for it expresses the side of being the unusual one. Though, I don't know if I still might call the LGBT community as unusual. Nope, I won't be closing my eyes nor get myself to be quiet about this matter any longer. ww I think I was never quiet since I've been offering myself to write something about our heavenly OTP atsumina. haha

Acchan-baby Laptop!

Yesterday I bought a new laptop! yay and guess what!! I named it Acchan-baby laptop.. Ugh such a long name right? (kinda cheesy too? hell yeah) But anyways the most important thing in that news is the fact that Acchan is finally at home and is part of the family~! XD I just welcomed her yesterday and now we're automatically happy with each other. This is such a great start into a long happy and hopefully everlasting relationship. ww (wtf) We're going to get married I guess after a week. haha /delusions overtaking/

My Acchan-baby laptop.. seriously, our encounter was pure love at first sight. hahaha! I know at the very beginning when I was choosing which one I should buy at the first store I came in... My eyes were already caught by this laptop. We tried to look at other shops but then again my mind and heart was already set into this. This was perfect for me. Although the prize isn't that perfect (of course expensive ones aren't perfect ww) but the specs are already enough for me to sustain my demanding architectural needs in working.

So here's the specs for my newest baby. Heeh

(September 7 is the birthdate of my newest laptop.. gotta make a note for that! ahhh)

Black Looks Good

Just got home from our thesis adviser's house. There was a get together for our thesis class, and we're almost complete by that time. Though our one classmate didn't make it as he has an over-time on his work. But we really had fun, it'll be our last get together as his students for his thesis class. I remember him saying that we are the last class that he'll be handling for thesis advising. Aw, he also confessed to us that we are actually the only class that has something good in mind, having the concepts for our own projects at the very beginning. He was not the type that expresses his feelings though, because he's known as the 'terror' professor that almost everyone in our college has been afraid of when it comes to being their thesis juror. So when he praised us for that, we're so overwhelmed by it.

It was my first time going to his house actually, even though we had numerous chances of going there for thesis consultation. But I always got the wrong timing for it as I'm at a different place specifically at our province so I was not able to come by those times. My impression about his home was actually, of course, nice. Though I was expecting something bigger than that. But yeah as an architect of his own, the house was really good. He's a collector of antiques too. The house was welcoming and has the warm feeling over the interior. It was really nice.

And the highlight for this evening was that we had pictures together, and we hugged each other. He's always smiling and I can already feel the pain of being alone in his life. lol, He looked sad when he's seeing us and the others leaving  as the night becomes late. Though we really had fun and there were a lot of foods to eat. All of us bring foods that are good for 20 people as we didn't expect that huge amount of pancit on the table that he prepared for us, now the foods were overflowing. lol We got a lot of topics to talk about too, we really had fun chatting and all and the time was really fast. We we're hesitating to leave at first but we really need to or else we won't be able to have available transportation to go back home as it's already late.

Ahh I'm so glad I've decided to come. It was awesome! I'm gonna miss our thesis adviser and him as our colleague, partner, father, mother (lol), friend and most of all our cheerer. *tears*

Enough now with this personal experience I have tonight, let me share to you some photos I'm drooling over before I leave this afternoon for our party. lol

I really love black color as it is something that's so cool and bad-ass for me. But, with Atsu wearing it, it made black even more awesome! Gaaaah

Kei's New Chapter!

Hi guys =) How are you all doin'? As for me it's now my 5th day resting after passing my thesis. Everything seemed okay at that day but no it wasn't. I won't elaborate more on what had happened to be exact as I don't want to remember it any longer. Just right now the most important thing is that, I passed the thesis and now is the start of a new chapter. Yay.

Not yet a graduate but I will go in there anyways, just a few more weeks. So now I am officially looking for a job, yes just now. lol I dunno, I think I'm already capable of doing so as I have a lot of vacant time now. Well there are still subjects to be finished but I think I can handle both. Work and studies. Besides my subjects don't take much time in a week. So I think I can do both.

Rushing things? Not really, but hey how am I supposed to say this. Well I need to provide for something already. Well it's really serious and I'm really obliged to do so. You know, my fandom family is really getting big. And my Atsuko is getting quite a lot of solo projects too, which is I need to keep up with, seriously. Also Atsu and I had promised that we'll see each other very soon in Japan. I've also promised SCANDAL about it and they are so looking forward to our first meeting. See? I'm so pressured with these people. lol

She's practicing now her technique in punishing me if I don't hurry and meet her. XD

Random Post of 2013

Hey! Uhh.. Nothing.. I just wanted to write something today. XD
I'm bored reviewing my notes for exams tomorrow.. It's just for 3 subjects yet I'm so lazy about it. Ugh. What a life. But hey, yeah I need to be responsible just like what I've written in my previous post. [Okay I never thought it would be that hard to comply with. Reasons I hate new years resolutions..]

Anyways done with our Final Endorsement and I'm ready (not so ready) in rehearsing our thesis defense this coming Monday. Hopefully I can revise all things needed to be revised on time. A lot of things had happen just the start of this year but I'm still in good situation so yeah, I'm still in control. Yay.

About my fandom... my time for it decreases as  I'm getting all focused with my thesis.. BUT! as much as possible I still say my confessions to Atsu everyday on twitter.. and uhh.. looking for some of her new photos.. and yup praying that there'll be new atsumina news [which I'm disappointed as nothing came out].. Atsumina fanfics are still there.. as much as possible I want to read awesome ones from awesome writers, but I rarely find a good one these days. Oh geez what's happening? ;A;

Welcome 2013!!!

Hi guys! It has been a while since I've written something in here. Yup, quite busy with a lot of stuff. And was sick for the previous days! Can you believe that? 2012 was not really a good year for me. How about you guys?

Seriously 2012 has become my scariest year of all. (And I'm not expecting more worst than that in the future). It was hell!

But 2012 is so last year, so we better move on. I don't want be stuck on that crappy year and memories anyways. Hah! I'm quite excited with 2013!! A new year! A new beginning! I'll do my best for this year.

Well I don't usually do "New Year's Resolution" nor believe in it. But this year I'll give it a try. So my New Year's Resolution is to be more responsible. Yeah if I will elaborate the meaning of that phrase, it is about being responsible to self (taking care of myself more), responsible to the things I do (Stop cramming, stop being lazy). Okay those are my priorities this  year.

And of course, to love Atsuko forever! lol Ayyy Happy New Year everyone!

I Love FF Writers!!

These are my confessions.. lol

I've got a wonderful day today! (forget thesis!) Actually it started since last night, when I was able to found out something for me to read. To be honest, I grew up not wanting to read anything. I hate books, and every time my friends are talking about different kinds of novel/books I really am not interested. So I ended up clueless to their topics. (Up until now) lol.

But fan fics.. stories made by writers from their heart and from their different point of views about some situations and characters. Getting myself within AKB fandom I started to read stories written about my OTP in JPHIP to be exact. Glad I was able to be informed by a friend about this site having lots of wonderful AKB (atsumina) stories. It's like a glimpse of heaven. :))

Even if you say these fan fic writers are not professional in writing, not as good as any professional ones (of course) but I must say.. we all have unique imaginations. And that's what makes every story unique. I love how these people can manage to think of something out of the ordinary, that's what I'm always looking at. Whether the story was written good or not as long as a good story-line is there, then count me in to be one of your fans.

7時12分の初恋

Today I've decided to loosen up things a bit with my life. As some of you might know I'm currently doing my thesis and yes hopefully part of 2013 batch to graduate this March. Right now I really am not doing great with thesis, to be honest I'm currently in a depressing state about it. Thesis for Architecture students isn't that easy compared to other courses. I'm not saying other courses' thesis are easy, it's just that no matter how I look and compare things... Architecture students doing thesis are in the worst state of hardship in my own opinion. Or maybe I shall prefer about "some" students like me. 

We're not doing a group thesis, it's an individual one. We choose a client make a project for them and make every plans feasible as they really are going to be built in the future. That's our job in and outside school. We're just in training.. but this training is too much.. I and my other batch-mates are having a hard time.. Maybe we aren't that prepared much? Or shall I say we lack concentration all trough our previous 4 years, that we did not study very well and make a good preparation for the 5th year/thesis year.  

Right now I have a few classmates that withdraw in continuing their thesis projects due to immense amount of stress and pressure we all are experiencing. I'm quite sad about the news, and to be honest I've gone through the status of dilemma whether to continue or not as well. In the end I've thrown all the doubts and fear and continue doing my thesis. Hopefully I will till the end. There are a lot of temptations, mistakes and hardships appearing and if we lose concentration in achieving and visualizing our graduation this March, we are "definitely" dead. 

So to lessen up the stress a bit and prevent myself from losing my sanity, I've decided to just enjoy my fandom today. My Maeda Atsuko and Atsumina fandom... I might say being a fan girl/ fan boy really is so awesome, making all the pressure and stress fade away even in just a short while. And right now I'm drowning myself with the love I have for Atsu. haha. Been watching AKB's Tokyo Dome Concert since yesterday and repeating everything today. 

I'm so well entertained. And currently loving every bits of it. I'm discovering songs too that I just heard just by watching that concert. I am not that well known to their songs from before as I have been in this akb fandom not in a year yet. I love to discover more things about them, but I'm not rushing things.. I will know all of them in a matter of time. So yeah. 

Thanks Mai-chan [heart heart]

Made this blog entry to someone special. Never thought actually that I'll make great friends on the cyber world. [sniff] And look.. I did! Ahh, someone that understands you and your fandom.. awesome feeling. Anyways since I've deactivated my Kei Yurimimo fb account [both I and II] I can't manage to reach out to my friends in there, [sorry, I have to temporarily deactivate it for the reason I'm quite questioning my seriousness in studying lately. My goals are becoming blurry at this moment and when I know I have different fb accounts and pages I ended up doing fan girl things and rage about some topics, my vision on my goals blackened and worst forgotten. I'll surely miss my friends in there including this special person I'm writing about, and of course my undying friendship with Fandom Guild.. ahhhh lol.. Sorry guys really, it's not you it's me. HAHAHAHA LOL wtf?!]

Too much drama... then after 5 days, I'll activate my account? LOL, Ah but I guess this time I'm really serious, or maybe not. I dunno it depends on my mood. I got mood swings most of the time. hahaha.

Okay wait! Let's go back to the real purpose of this blog entry. Erm, just wanna say 'THANK YOU' to a dear friend Mai-chan [am I allowed to say your whole real name? XD] 1st, because of the gift I received for my birthday...

You may said it's not expensive nor a grand one.. but I did like and appreciate it very much. Considering that we're not that always chatting nor sees each other [never from before]... I really really am moved by your action.

Daigo Naito aka Daigo Stardust

Warning! This blog entry contains massive delusions.. so be careful.. I have warned you! lol

Okay alright, I must calm myself first before anything else.. *ehem*

KYAAAAAAA!!!!! I think I found myself another man! Finally, after how many flings I got myself into... here I met my NEW husband! hahaha! 

Takamina actually was our bridge in meeting each other, you know Shin Domoto Kyoudai program. When Acchan was the guest in their September 9 episode. [Ahhh I can still remember the date, because it is when I have witnessed how TRUE AtsuMina is. And of course, the first time I saw Daigo Naito aka Daigo Stardust]. Set aside AtsuMina for a while, Daigo needs my attention! [lol]

My 20th "HBD" celebration!

Today is my birthday and because of it, I announced this day to be holiday. Yes.. My own holiday. hahaha!
Did not go to school today, spend less time with thesis, updated my fan fic and this now.. ohoho.

Everyday is special day for me, so my birthday is just normal. Hmm.. Spent quality time with my family, eat foods and stuff. Normal.. Spent quality time with my Acchan, oh didn't you know? She was the first one to greet me.. and Haruna's standing by right now and waiting for the last minute of this day to greet me.. Ohohoho First and last greetings? OMG amazing [heart] but of course I'm just under delusion.

^See it's a proof they came.. yes, I've requested them to use their old uniforms..

Lemme Comment! [Randomness] Issue 1

Today is just like some other day, it's still raining.. and it's really hard.. geez.. if this continues lots of inappropriate things might happen. I hope everyone will be safe even with floods around them.. Well luckily here at our place we're near the airport.. so it's expected that we're on a high plain than the others.. but our province's also experiencing this heavy rain and I just hope my family out there is safe as well.. hmmm..

Anyways.. today I also wanted to post randomness again.. honestly I wanted to create another blog for my non sense posts and galleries and so forth.. but I can't since I'm thinking that it'll be difficult for me to update 2 blogs at a time.. but I really wanted it.. lolz. pardon my stubbornness.. hihi..

So let me begin this randomness, by allowing me to comment on different photos I've been drooling about.. trololol. 

^ This photo, I really wanted a High Resolution for it.. I want to make it as my profile picture at FB but unfortunately it won't allow me because the size is too small.. D; UWAAAA... She's so freakin' hot and sexy! Sooo gorgeous my oshi!! [hearts! lots of hearts!]

Frustrations of noob guitarist..

Geez.. I'm so frustrated with myself.. lolz. I've known how to play guitar for so long now.. yet my skills are still noob.. So I'm always calling my self as a noob guitarist.. lol ... I feel like I've wasted my years for not practicing hard and seriously.. [sniff sniff] 

But I think it's not yet late right? Since I'm still 19 and my goal is to improve before I reach my 20th year on this world.. I still have time!!! just 2 months only.. Wait..whaaat?

Shiz.. of course learning will take forever.. I know that.. But I want to improve moooore.. I'm so not satisfied with my playing style.. it's unclean at all.. shiz.. Improve more kei! practice!!! [ugh] 

I've been posting random things lately.. lolz.. well sorry this is my blog.. whether you un-bookmarked this or not.. I don't care anymore.. do what you want.. :P

I want to be a writer too!

Hey hey heeeey! It's been a while.. haven't written something in here so I decided to update something.. actually I'm still active on the internet world.. but on different sites only.. lolz..

Recently I've been very addicted with writing stories for ATSUMINA, at first I just wanted to play along with my ideas running through my head.. and never thought I would gain many readers.. hahaha.. then I continue updating to make them happy.. Of course everyone's going to be very happy when your works are being appreciated in different ways.. hmmm... so since I've started this then lemme continue it until I can. If you haven't seen my stories yet.. then here are the links for you...

1st Story [Series and On-going] "CONTRACT"
2nd Story [Short Fic and Completed] "The Only Thing That Won't Change
3rd Story [Series and On-going] "Hold My Heart Forever"

Somehow I feel like a real writer.. My other dream aside from being a musician is to become a writer too.. so I do blogging and then I discovered I got skills in writing stories too.. [assuming] wahahaha! It's really entertaining when you love what you are doing.. But of course I needed to become an architect too so after this depressing week for me.. I'll try to act normal and be professional.. I can do this! Ganbare Kei!

Let me be the drama queen. [lol]

I'm sad last night and I cried the whole time of it until I fell asleep. This period is probably the hardest time of my life, and I don't know if I can handle this situation or not. Probably you say I'm being emotional and dramatic now, but yeah I guess you're right.. But I just wanted to write about it coz somehow I feel a bit okay when I'm writing my thoughts.. especially on my blog.. [sigh]

I'm currently on the process of doing my thesis, and no my problem isn't about thesis but something private and the most important part of me. I've became too happy lately because of my achievement on my thesis getting my work approved in one go, I've even celebrated it but at the end of the day and the celebration came my worst nightmare. The news that change the inside me.. It was unbearable and broke my heart into pieces.. gosh.. I'm so emotional on this, yeah I'm too weak to handle these kind of things and I really don't know how I will concentrate on my thesis now.. GAHD!!!

I believe you exist but I dont have that much faith, but this time I'm coming to you and I hope you'll welcome me and my prayers... you know what it is.. 

Okay lemme stop this now.. [sigh] I just wanted to somehow forget about my problem a little.. so I try to find ways to relax and just entertain myself..
I watched K-ON movie last it was good and all, I love it..I enjoyed it but its really not healing me fully.. (and as if everything's gonna be okay? tsk)

Anyways I tried to find entertainment too on my ichiban, Maeda Atsuko.. and yeah it did worked out a bit.. but just like K-on (which is one of my favorite anime of all time), it just wasn't enough..

Yeah I know I shouldn't rely on just fandom to overtake the burdens right? lolz But I still say they do still help even in just small bits... just like now, I'm really helpless with my current problem so literally, I cannot do anything..  tsk the worst feeling ever.. being useless..